Friday, December 23, 2011

A Hole in Our Hearts the Shape of a Paw Print

Before Michael and I got married, we had agreed we would wait a few years before we started a family.  It was only a month of two when I announced that I wanted a dog or a baby.  (I hated being alone at night if Michael was working late or out at the farm.)  Michael choose dog.  Our first dog was a black mutt that we rescued from the Humane Society.  He was shy and did okay with me, but that was about it.  I don't know if he had been beaten by a man, but he never warmed up to Michael.  After a year, he started growling and even nipping at not only Michael and other men, but even children.  This wasn't something we felt we could deal with so we said goodbye to Opie.

A month of two passed and I was ready to give it another shot.  This time, Michael wanted to try the puppy route.  I had a golden retriever named King growing up whom I had fond memories of so when we saw an ad for some golden retriever pups south of town, we checked them out.  Now I know puppies are all sweet and adorable and I am probably biased, but Jaxson had to of been one of the sweetest and cutest puppies ever.  He was the runt of his litter, had such a sheen to his coat and was a snuggler.  I love snuggling.  We knew we had found our new pup.

Jaxson never outgrew his sweet, good tempered personality.  If anything, he grew sweeter with each passing year.  He welcomed all three of our children to our family and protected and loved them with such loyalty we couldn't have designed a better dog.  Jaxson was everything a dog should be to a family with small children.

This last June, Jaxson turned 9 and was beginning to show his age but only in the subtle grayness of his muzzle.  He was still relentless when it came to playing fetch.  He moved with such grace and beauty that we often had people comment to us on how beautiful our dog was.  We knew our days with Jaxson were limited, but thought we still had several wonderful years to enjoy his presence.

This past December we were proved wrong.  Our time with Jaxson ended way to soon.  What started off as something we thought that made his stomach sick (he was always getting into things that made him throw up running outside), turned into something that left him unable to walk, we rushed him to the vet.  When I walked out of the vet that Sunday morning, I had no idea it was the last time I would see Jaxson alive.  I wrongly assumed the vet would start him on a treatment and he would be bounding back up the stairs to our bedroom the very next day.  When my phone rang that night, my heart caught in my throat.  I eyes filled with tears as Dr. Williams told me Jaxson had passed that evening.  It wasn't possible, was it?  And what about the boys?  Telling them would be even more impossible.  And it nearly was.

That night and the day following were very very difficult for us.  I woke at night wondering where he was only to realize he wasn't here.  The days were still hard, but became easier with each passing day.  The jingle of his collar and the thump of his lying of the floor after patrolling the house to make sure all were safe are still sounds missing from our house.

We pondered where to lay Jaxson to rest.  Neither Michael or I could handle the thought of having him out in the pasture away from our home and family.  We settled on burying him in along side our deck so he could watch the comings and goings of our house, a favorite pass time of his.  My friend had her sister make a stone nameplate for him.  Rob's only request had been that we have a stone for him like great-grandma.

I realize Jaxson was a dog, but please do not ever tell me he was "just a dog" because that only proves to me that you never spent any time with him and have never let a dog into your home or life.  Jaxson was as much a part of the Wx family as any of the humans who have lived in our house.  After all, "no home is complete without the pitter patter of puppy feet."  Jaxson helped make our house a home and he will be forever missed.